As much as I wanted to know,
I never understood why things never worked out the way I wanted.
No matter who I loved or what I wanted, no amount of hoping seemed to bring me happiness.
Doors closed and my heart broke so many times I started to wonder if I had ever find love and happiness.
Its easy to fall into despair and think that you will end up alone sometimes.
Not because I wanted to, but because everything I always hoped for seemed to go inevitably go wrong.
People would tell me to “hang in there” and “it will happen for you,” but I start to believe that their words of comfort were just what people were supposed to say.
I crashed so many times in my journey that I did not know if I had ever find crossroads to happiness.
Continuing to believe in love when your heart has been broken is seemingly an impossible task, and one that I failed repeatedly on so many days.
Sometimes, it seems easier to wallow in misery and ask “why me?”
Than to dust yourself off and pick yourself up.
“Meant to be” seems like a fairytale read to children.
Until it happens to you.
When I stopped focusing on chasing the ones who didn’t want to be caught and started learning how to love myself, things began to change.
It wasn’t easy and there are still many days when I feel like giving up, but I know that at the end of the day I will always be more than okay. I will be happy.
Happy with myself, happy with my life, happy with my choices.
It wasn’t until I realized that before, I was willing to settle for “good enough” that I started understanding why things never worked out with all the others-
Because I deserved more.
Rain or shine, rise or fail, I will choose to be happy on my terms, in my way, for myself.
So if “meant to be” finds me when the time is right then I will be ecstatic.
With open arms and a willing heart.
Until then I will keep loving myself, living my truth and always seeking the sunlight.
